Hey, Vinnie.

Mind updating your blog in a little while, Vinnie? You're starting to make me look like an idiot for saying "Oooh, he'll update soon!" I mean, what are you waiting for? An invitation?

... Oh, sorry! I keep forgetting you have readers. Hi. Well, this is awkward. Name's SID. Yes, that's all uppercase, thanks. Write that down. No? Oh... okay. I'll just, uh... Continue.

Ahem. Let me try again!

Yeeee-haaaw-- No.

How's it going, bros -- Nah.

Look. Just hi. Name's SID, and I'm here to stay. Not as this blog's main writer - that'll be your host (pfft), Vincent Karrel - but as your guest commentator! So, lets see what we've got here.

Oooh, Vincent, you're so bad! Putting a girl's diary online... How could youuuu?

Hey, don't knock the serial killer. He was a nice guy. Was.

She got pregnant? William, you dog!

Daniel seems like such a nice guy. Not a Nice Guy like you, Vincent, but nice in the sense that he's the kind of guy I can count on to kidnap a child that was just born. *claps*

Look, I know you don't like Sarah or Lois. That's a given. But don't shout out how "That's not how reality works! Boohoo!" You have no idea how reality works, you get me? Well, maybe you do now with Smokestack inside you. Oh, screw you, Vincent.

I hope you enjoyed your nightly walks into enemy territory, Vinnie!

Oh, Vivian. Vivian, Vivian, Vivian. You're such a strange case, aren't you? D'aaaawww. Well, you'll lose everything eventually - especially when they get their hands(?) on you. Everything that makes you human... gone, in the blink of an eye! Sometimes, we wear masks to give us a trace of humanity. It... doesn't always work, of course, and it's become quite a... oh, what's the word... a staple! Yeah! It's become a staple in today's time. Now, whenever people see a mask, their immediate thoughts are either "That guy's a creep!" or, if they're involved with Them, "NOOOO, PROXY. NO, PROXY, PLEASE, PROXY, NO. NO. NOOOOO!"

Okay, not in those specific words. That'd be horrible and uninteresting.

And funny.

Back on topic! We finally have some development. His dad hates (read: hated) him! Well, didn't care for him, anyway.

Okay, screw this. It's boring. I'm taking a look at everyone's comments last time.

Aww, DM thinks I'm what Smokestack (By the way, I'm totally calling dibs on that name) calls the young virus. Naw, sugar, I'm pure ME. Oh, and Blair says hello. Or would, if s/he were still alive. AHA. AHA.

INSANITY, I thik you need spellcheck! Har-har!... But really, we'll get along very well.

Wayward, I resent that accusation. I haven't changed a thing. Well, I haven't changed a lot of things. Well, I haven't changed a lot of things... yet. Come on, how could I not get involved? This town is ripe for the picking... Is that how that saying goes?

Look. Doesn't matter.

Like it or not, I'm here to stay. This town... oh, it has such a history. I love it. Just last year, good ol' Whispers shows up and kills Sarah's daddy and sets this entire thing off!

And this is only the beginning. :)

xoxo,

SID

- Stories -

Oh, humanity… How it makes my skin crawl. Among other things, of course, but humanity is such a curious and unique thing. Did I mention disturbing? You all can’t agree on the littlest things, can you? And that escalates, escalates, escalates… and pop! Like a balloon, the anger goes off. The trigger has been pulled! Can’t take back those words now. It’ll take a while to repair any damage you’ve done.

One side views a pedophile as a horrible monster that needs to be put down. The other side blames the young men and women, saying they should know better than to trust a guy they met online. Which one is right? Where does the blame fall? Now, now, don’t look at the United States’ Government to give you the answers to cosmic rulings. C’mon, now.

Here’s another one for you Pyrehearts: Girl gets manipulated by a guy and forced into having sex with him. This changes her entire world, to the point where she’s not even recognizable anymore. She’s manipulative herself, doesn’t trust anyone… speaks harshly to people she doesn’t know that well. So, whose fault is that? The guy’s, for extorting sex and turning her into that? Or is it the girl’s because she didn’t get over it, didn’t do the mature thing and be safe about who she spent time with?

How about a teen that gets pregnant because she thought she was in love? Maybe the guy thought so, too, I don’t know! But do either of them deserve the hate they get, or should they be helped because they made a mistake? Some would argue that it was justice, y’know? But maybe it’s a learning experience! Ahhh… who are we to say, am I right?

Let’s put it this way. Humanity is… special. Like clay! Your minds are so easily molded that it only takes a short while for these, ah… what do you call them? Fears? (That is such a terrific name and I applaud you forever and ever!) It only takes a short while for them to go to work on your minds, and suddenly they’ve either broken you into pieces, allowed you to live in return for ‘service’, or you’ve run off with nothing but your laptop or cell phone and a backpack. Sometimes, not even that.

To you, there’s no gray lines. There’s only the good and the bad. You concentrate on your differences when you’re so alike. One side condemns the other, the other condemns the other side for condemning. It’s a never-ending process that humanity will go through until it destroys itself. And that day is coming.

Here’s a final one for you to think about. A guy gets involved with this girl, you get me? They talk, get relatively close. Or the guy thinks so. So, he sacrifices secrecy and lets her in on a lifelong secret, one that’s caused a rift between him and the rest of his family (which, consequently, affects everything else - go figure). He tells her this secret, and she promises to keep it.

But then he starts blabber-mouthing about her little boyfriend, and she realizes it was a mistake talking to this guy. In a fit of anger, she releases the guy’s secret, telling the world that he accidentally killed his younger brother by leaving him in the woods when the older got angry. Makes it out to be murder, you get me? And everyone and their mother eats that right up, making fun of him, saying he should kill himself, too, some even suggesting that he’s killed a few people already! *GASP*

Things quiet down because, really, who gives a crap about this nobody, am I right? Well, turns out they were paying attention to him STILL - Get a bloody life, come on! - because about a month and half later he pops up with some retaliation, revealing that Little Miss Secret Keeper has a few skeletons in her closet. Bang, whole school lights up and he gets out of the “Screw You” spotlight. It’s vengeance, right? She deserved it! He’s in the right!

But some people don’t think so! Oh, nononono, don’t get me wrong. In fact, some ‘white-knights’ think that they can wield punishment in their own hands instead of leaving it to their betters. Obviously it’s retribution for what he did, right? Yeah?

And, well, I think you can kind of guess the rest. Not very subtle, am I?

You can choose which one's in the right and which one's in the "Screw You" spotlight; I'm merely an observer.

Vinny-boy, I am terribly sorry for jumping onto your account. But hey, you have to keep your audience entertained, am I right? And boy, this is gonna be a good show. Just you wait, people – big things, and I mean big things, went down at the hospital on Sunday night. I was there, of course, but why I should I spoil things for you? Its better coming out of Smokey Vin’s… eh… mouth?

xoxo,

SID

There are some days when I feel like giving up. Doesn’t matter why sometimes, I just feel that way. Little comments some people make, the glances I see out of the corner of my eye… They’re not imagined. I know they’re there, but people don’t want to hurt my feelings. Well, some do, but I expect those people to most of the time. Somebody said I was a moron because I looked like someone they knew. I’m not kidding.  Wish I was. But it didn’t bother me for long. I got over it, I swear.

But it’s the perceived slights, the ones that you don’t hear about until later. The little negative comments that get around, warping people’s opinions about each other. In my sophomore year, people were talking about a guy who was just eccentric, but they made him out to be some sort of freak. He wasn’t. I mean, my personality would have clashed with his, so I didn’t really talk to him. But I refused to say anything mean about him because I knew what it felt like to have others talk about you behind your back. I think every highschooler has something like this happen to them, though; we all hear something that someone said about us behind our backs, and it’s either good or bad. Nothing ever in-between. I mean, you’re not going to say something like “I consider his hair to be a good color, but an improper length”. You can’t be neutral for long.

Anyway, this gossip stuff. It got back to the guy, right? And even though he had a group of friends who cared about him, even though he had people to hang out with, it still got to him. Months down the road, he ended up overdosing because of all the little stuff that built up over time.

I’ve witnessed this a few times in the past year. Not necessarily to the point of suicide each and every time, but one or two cases. I’ve contemplated suicide before, actually. Still do, since it’d be a way out. Just the little things that pile up, you know? And it’d be so simple for me to do it, too. Just jump in front of a speeding vehicle, or take a butcher knife to my wrist. Chop, chop, chop. Maybe take a lot of painkillers and overdose like Eccentric Guy.

Sad thing is, it won’t make people learn their lesson. Every time someone dies or takes their own life, people are sad for a time. And then people start sharing negative stories about them, saying stuff like “It wasn’t my fault. He/She just had issues and needed to talk to someone, gosh”, but they don’t really care, you know? They wouldn’t just walk up to someone and say hi, how’s it going? Want to sit with us?

And it’s not the people you think it is, either. The “popular” crowd – a few of them will talk to you, but not a lot. The little do-goods that say they want to help people rarely do. The ones who joke around with each other might include you, I guess. Depends if you take part or not. The people who don’t care about school, well, that should be obvious. And the rest… heh, they all have their own little groups…

That’s one of the reasons why I like Daniel. He approached me, saw that I needed help. He’s not the best influence in the world, but neither is my father, okay? And at least Daniel will give me a time of the week. “Hey, want to come on over and watch some movies?” “Sure, why not.”

And even though it’s been almost a month, I kind of feel like Daniel’s the brother I would have had. I mean, we’re a lot alike, though he’s more adventuresome. who cares, yeah. Oh, bullcrap, people do care. i’m just saying maybe they don’t okay. But people tell me Daniel is the bad guy, telling me that I need to stay away from him. But what defines a bad guy? The antagonist, yeah? Well, I’m the protagonist of my story, so who is my antagonist? Everyone else, the ones who have rejected me, who have placed people like me as beyond saving? Worth finding out.

Lois isn’t an antagonist, though. I thought she was, and then I brought her down to my level. I was wrong in that. I humiliated her, did to her what she did to me. that does not excuse what she did of course. Maybe not, you’re right, but it was bad of me to do that to her.

Just proves my point that as humans we will fail time and time again. We’re inherently evil, giving in to our base desires if we let ourselves slip that far. I did, and it’s brought me so far down. Heh, isn’t that right? it is.

The world’s cruel. You can’t change that fact. I’d like to make it into a universe where it’s all nice and happy and everything is peaceful. but that depends on your definition of peace. Maybe it’s simply being alone in your own personal paradise. Maybe it’s with other people. I don’t know.

But it’s not what I want. not anymore.

Personal philosophy.

am i speaking in understandable ways? Who cares. We’re getting this done, we have to.

It’s not about what I want. I understand that now. We have to provide fair ways, give them chances. but we have so many times, so many times. Just do it. Lie. lying can be good in proper circumstances.

He’s surprised? is that a question but of course. Aha, he doesn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t, either, if I were him. to suddenly here the boy asking for lessons is quite strange. He hasn’t been much of an influence on me, though. A positive, at least. get it over with.

We’re going downstairs, yeah? That’s where he keeps them, and that’s good. We’ll have what we need. Daniel would like that, I bet. Vivian and the rest of the group would like it, too. but its not for them. It’s not? Of course, I’m right. We don’t need them for now, but they need us. What comes next?

Right, the cabinet where they’re locked up. Don’t want someone hurting themselves. like before right. Yes, like before. Was it eleven years ago? i was not here so i cannot tell you. But I was here. Blood, you know, gets over everything. We had to move houses because of it. I don’t like blood. i think.

He’s letting me look down the sights at it. I know how to use one of these, dad, I’m not stupid. Just point, aim, and shoot. Bang. see daddy? We know how to use it.

The world is evil, okay? We try to suppress it, try to cover our vices… maybe it takes some more effort than others. But we all have that darkness inside us, just waiting to spring out. just waiting to take control. Bang. I don’t know how I feel about it, really. But this is the proper term of events, about what’s fair. he deserved it just like lois deserved to be shown what humanity is really like and why humanity deserves to die. We war with each other all the time, bringing out evil in each other. The ones who declare war don’t fight, do they? Not anymore, at least. but it was not always like that back then honor used to mean something. But not anymore. Hate is a more powerful emotion, stronger than fear. you can do so many things with both, but hatred burns deep, decaying the heart until it is withered down to nothing like itself a changed being.

what i find funny is that we say that we lose our humanity when we become monsters but i disagree because humanity is a monster at its very core.

we fight amongst ourselves because it is in our very nature.

bang. bang. bang.

stop with the flashing lights already. Neighbors? None, thank you.

how many times shall we point out the obvious humanity needs to be destroyed so that everlasting peace may be placed on this world. But is that what we want? to have absolute peace you must first have war and without war nothing will change and none shall learn their lesson.

Lessons need to be taught.

Of course, it was staring me in the face the entire time.

oh?

Lessons are important, and Lois’ isn’t done yet. She knows what it feels like to be half of me, but the other half, the part that was buried, the part that came back? She hasn’t experienced a loss of life. Let’s even the playing field out. she will know what a death will feel like and what it will feel like to be held responsible.

then it will end. then the payment will be due and she can be forgiven and other lessons taught just like the ones tonight. father and mother know better now do they not. and the neighbors will be sure to stay silent next time i am sure.

hurry they will be here any moment. I just need to grab a few things. Obviously we’re taking this and father’s gift, but I want something else. A gift from mom. what is that? She made it for me a few years ago. Tried to make it a ninja mask, but it came out like an executioner. fitting. I thought so. Getting a backpack together. Are they even out tonight? who cares the response time may be bad at this time of night. Just getting this taken care of.

right. we are ready.

I think so.

we know so.

time to play lois.

Hello, witnesses

Waaasssuuuup witnesses? Not sure why Vince chose that name for you all, but its pretty cool. “Witnesses”, like you’re in some sort of court room.

Anyway this is Daniel. We’re chilling out at my place and Vince decided to let me on his blog for a little while, so yeah lets get this thing going. And man, you have no idea how far my little man Vince has come. So he comes to me yesterday and says that he wants to be a “true” part of our group, whatever that means, so I host this little get-together here at my place while mom’s at work. And this is great, we’re all having a great time!

Right, well Vince just had his first cigarette, and that was too funny. Well, he said it wasn't his first time 'cause he had tried to smoke before but his dad caught him, but yeah. He started coughing like he was about to cough up a lung and Ty started to tease him about it. Then Vince just punches Ty across the face and sends him flying out of his chair, bahaha, and we all start laughing and Vince is just standing there with this angry look on his face with smoke all around him and he looked pretty awesome, actually. He started to calm down but I would have liked to see more of that fighting action.

Well I guess we did see some action, 'cause after that Becca started... taking an interest in Vince. We gave them a little privacy, y’know, 'cause I respect the kid. Doubt it'll go any farther than a makeout session, but whatever - at least Vince is finally getting himself out there, being more confident.

Now we’re upstairs, Ty’s in the other room with some girl he just met a few hours ago. Me, I’m here with Viv who showed up earlier. She’s what holds the group together, I think... She has this, I don't know, motherly trait about her. I wouldn't be a good leader at all. Anyway, she isn’t around a whole lot, but when she is... eh no real way to describe it. Its like... she won't give up on you, no matter what you do. She’s been busy bringing in some more people, people she thinks will help 'reach our goal', which sounds good to me. I'm behind any plan she has. Yeah yeah, so it might seem like I’m saying these things just so I can get lucky a little later on, but its true. I love her and the rest of our little... family.

And Vince, welcome to the family.

Nothing Matters

Things will never change, no matter what you do. You try and change yourself once, the other side hates you. You try and change yourself twice, it still happens.

No matter what I try to do, it all comes down to people, and people are evil. Deep down, they all are, it doesn’t matter what they are on the outside. And I’ve seen the faces of the evil in people, oh, I have. And I hate it, I hate them, I hate this entire world.

I was walking home from school Friday and then it happened.. haha, should have seen it coming... Four guys, friends of Will's, probably, had been following me and when we were alone they started to harass me. They started saying how I was pathetic for making the blog, how I was an asshole, and then one of them, one with a birthmark right beneath his lip, clips me right in the nose. And then he starts kicking and smashing , and the others did nothing. They just sat and watched, looking on as I got the crap beaten out of me. And then they left me bleeding there on the road.
Got found... taken to the hospital. Found out I had a broken wrist, so you can imagine how tough it was for me to make that post the other night, eh? Hah... oh, and some bruised ribs and black eyes always look appealing...

Maybe I was wrong in making this blog… I... I regret it now... The whispers are back, the ones around school, and the people who I thought were supportive of me are just hiding behind their masks, acting like I’m in the right when they talk about me behind my back. I know, I see their looks. What is the point of making this in a fight for retribution when all it earns you is what you had before? Nothing… Nothing at all…

My dad was right all along. I won’t amount to anything, because I don’t matter. I regret so many things, so many damn things. I wish I had been more athletic to make him proud, wish I was interested in hunting or hiking or something like he is, but no- he considers me a failure. That’s why he doesn’t say he loves me anymore, why I haven’t heard those words in a long time. Three simple words could have such a significant impact, but no, there’s a refusal because of one thing:

I'm a failure.
timetoplay
†

Comments

Time to look over some of the interesting comments I've been getting.

From Disputing Madness:
You two fucking deserve each other.

Have fun, those times she wears red.

Yes, because that makes a whole lot of sense. How about you go for a coherent response next time, DM?

From proxiehunter (in response to DM):

You should have more pity for Vivian. Unlike Vincent here she's ill. Terminally so most likely. It seems from this that there's still some of her left fighting It. Or trying to, anyway.

What the hell has this world come to? *ME* saying to pity one of them.

Implying that I'm sick? I don't know, don't really care anymore. Yet another cryptic comment, though, this time talking about "Them". Right, because I'm totally going to KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

From Mask of Insanity:

Because you like da pussy Prox.

Besides, I want to see how this pan out. I just hope we don't get the freaking details of the bumping and more on Them.

Now, since nothing related to my search is here, moving on. I don't have time to act insane.

I honestly have no idea how to respond to this, so I think a simple "Go screw yourself" will work. Vivian and I won't be "bumping" - we practically just met. And yet another reference to the fabled "Them!" Oh, how did you know that I love cryptic comments? Oh, you!

And finally, from Phobos:

Oh shit. He actually let her make physical contact. I honestly have no words to describe that kind of decision.

Hm. Okay. Well, none of you have really given me a reason to NOT make contact with Vivian - or any of my new friends, for that matter. All I've been getting are cryptic comments left and right, with no one telling me what they're talking about.

Here's the thing, though. Don't you dare condemn me for making physical contact with Vivian when no one's told me why I shouldn't. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't get to condemn me.

"But Vincent, you uploaded Lois' diary on here--"

Yeah, I know I did. That was the reason I made this thing in the first place. And I regret it oh so much right now because it's bringing me nothing but pain. Heh, right. Forgot to mention that, didn't I? Well, I haven't had a great day, and coming home to have people saying I made a poor decision when I don't even know the reason why they're saying it's poor in the first place... well, it pisses me off.

So, from now on?

Either you post coherent replies instead of the cryptic nonsense that keeps coming, or I'll turn off comments completely.

... Oh, wonderful. Dad's calling me into the living room. This ought to be good... I assume it's about the fight today, since there's no other reason why he'd want to talk to me in the first place.

Bye.

Evening. Just had a really fun afternoon, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. And this is has the side-effect of pissing off my favorite cryptic poster, Disputing Madness!

So, without further ado, let's begin.

I was home alone earlier this afternoon since my parents were going out for their anniversary, just... well, not doing anything, really. Not much to do around here, and my neighborhood is  devoid of any people my age. And Daniel's been busy fixing his car, so we couldn't hang out today, either. Looked like another boring afternoon.

That's when I heard a knock on the door.

I walk to the front of my house, expecting the mailman or something. I open the door and there stands the last person I expected to find at my house: Vivian Foster.

She was dressed in blue jeans and a dark green hoodie, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She smiled at me, saying hello, while I stood there like an idiot and unsure of what to do. Look, I've never had a cute girl appear at my house before, okay? Don't judge.

It was strange, though. I expected Vivian to act more... dominant, I guess, after reading Lois' journal and hearing Daniel describe her. But she seemed almost... shy, just like me. Maybe she was just pretending to make me feel better.

I invited her in and thus began the awkwardest moments in my life. We didn't say anything for a little while, just walked into the living room and sat down. I finally asked her if she wanted something to eat or drink, but she said no. And... well. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "So..."
Vivian: "Hm?"
M: "Uh, I was just wondering what you're doing here. I thought... well, I thought you were busy or something. That's what Daniel tells me."
V: "I don't know what I'd be busy with."
M: "Visiting people, I think?"
V: "Well... then in a way, I guess I am busy. I'm visiting you, aren't I?" (She smiles upon saying this)
M: "Oh... right, haha. So... that's all this is, then? Just visiting me?"
V: "Well... it occurred to me that you've been a part of Danny's little group and I've neglected to introduce myself. But... you already know who I am, of course."
M: "Not by reputation, though! Ah... not saying you have a reputation or anything. I mean, ah... nevermind."
V: "Well, I do have a little bit of a reputation... But I'm referring to Lois' journal."
M: "Yeah, that's, um, what I meant."
V: "Of course."
M: "...Well, I'm Vincent. Nice to... finally meet you, I guess."
V: "Likewise." (She smiles again)

After that horribly awkward conversation, we got to talking about... well, pretty much everything, really. How school was going for us, what we thought of other members of Daniel's group (don't worry, they were all positive things), what we thought of other people at school... normal conversation topics, you know? Or I guess they're normal. Never really had a conversation like I had with Vivian...

Anyway, we decided on going out to eat since there's not a lot to do at my house. Not anything fancy, just this Italian place downtown. And it was really nice; we laughed a lot throughout our meal over random stuff. Daniel was not kidding when he said Vivian had a great sense of humor - she can find something hilarious in almost anything, and will immediately point it out.

We went to this bowling place after dinner and it was kind of fun. I found out that I'm actually kind of good at something; managed to get a 190-something score on my first game, and Vivian said that wasn't bad at all for a first timer. We stayed there for around three hours just bowling and talking, and after awhile it was just us in the place (aside from the owners, of course).

There was one thing that struck me as odd, though. Vivian was about to go but paused, as if thinking about something. She turned to me, almost like she was confused, and I saw... I don't know, I think I saw fear in her eyes. She seemed... afraid. I asked her what's wrong and she sat down, putting the bowling ball on the seat beside her. Her eyes were on the floor and she didn't speak for a few moments and I thought about asking her again when she started to speak.

"Do you ever feel like... you're not the same person you were?"

The question caught me off guard. "What do you mean?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing, it's just... I feel like sometimes I'm losing myself, bits and pieces day-by-day. I guess it's me growing up, but I feel like it's happening too fast." Vivian hugged herself, almost like she was cold. "I don't like it. I... I want to be me, Vince. I don't want to be something else. Do you know what I mean?" She turned to look at me, that scared look still in her eyes.

I honestly didn't know how to respond, but I attempted to do so, anyway. "Well, I guess I do. I think I'm kind of the opposite, really... I've always been sheltered to the point where I can't relate to a lot of people, but through the past month and a half... meeting Daniel and you, for instance... I feel like it's making me a different person, but for the better. I think you just have to look at the positives, you know?"

I don't know if she understood or not, but she nodded her head. She closed her eyes for a few moments and when she opened them, that look of fear was gone. In fact, she looked almost... determined. Considering her next statement, that look made sense: "Bet you can't beat me at another game!"

We got kicked out about twenty minutes later, and since it was getting late we decided to part ways. Before she left, Vivian kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks, Vince. You're not such a bad guy after all." And... well, she walked off, nothing more than that.

And... that was my night. So, yeah.