Most
of the first few entries within the journal are nothing special. Just the
blabbering of a teenage girl; nothing important. You would think after years of
school she’d also use proper spelling and grammar, but I guess that’s just one
more example of how my generation is crumbling. After reading about nonsense, I
was prepared to burn it… but I stopped myself. My desire to see Lois’s life
crumble around her is greater.
I finally found something worth mentioning after a few more minutes of
shuffling through the garbage. It dates back to June of last year, at our youth
group. I decided to do a bit of editing to make it more legible.
June 22nd, 2011
I like to think that I have a horrible life, that I have it so rough, but compared
to some people I really don’t have it as bad. Like, dad walking out on mom. I
wasn’t there for that, but I see living without a dad as a bad thing. Maybe it’s
not ‘cause, who knows, he might have abused me or something. Mom said he wasn’t
like that, but maybe she’s just protecting him. She doesn’t talk about him a
lot, and I don’t like to ask, so we’re clear on that field.
But really, things aren’t bad for me. I’m by myself, so I don’t have to put up
with bratty little brothers and sisters.
That’s good, I think. I see people complain about their brothers and
sisters all the time. So, like, maybe I’m blessed by God for being in the
situation I’m in? Well, whatever it is, it sure helped me tonight. A girl named
Sarah asked for the youth group to pray for her family. Her dad had run off
too, the jerk, and he left behind his wife and children. So this girl says that
she’s been having trouble dealing with it because her mom isn’t taking it so
well (maybe being abusive?) and Sarah’s having to make sure her siblings are
taken care of. That’s so wrong, you know, when a person has to do that. How a
parent could just sit idly by, you know?
But Sarah, she has guts. She’d talked about her parents getting a divorce
before, which is something I wouldn’t have shared because I like to keep personal
things like that to myself (plus the whole dad being gone thing, haha). I
approached her after youth and talked to her about it, explaining my situation
and that I understood. I think she liked that, to hear someone took an interest
and knowing she didn’t have to go through it alone. She started crying halfway
through our talk, though, and that was like really awkward. I really don’t like
it when people cry. But I comforted her, so… yeah. I guess that’s my good deed
for the day. I gave her my cell number in case she wants to talk, too! Hopefully she'll start talking to me.
Pathetic. “Oh, because I comforted a girl I’m doing a good deed! I’m a
great person!” Yeah, right. People only do this type of thing out of moral
obligation, because they’re expected to do it. They don’t do it out of
compassion or love.
Skipping ahead.
August 6th, 2011
Oh my gosh I feel so bad. Sarah broke down
over the phone telling me about it, but I can’t even imagine what her friend
was thinking when he went there. This is so bad.
OK, so a few weeks ago Sarah’s dad shows up again, right? But he had to be
hospitalized and treated and stuff. It’s bad, right, and oh my gosh, they found
him earlier tonight cut up and beaten. I think Sarah went to visit him and when
she found him he was like that and oh gosh I feel so bad. I mean, for what I
said about him over the past month. I just assumed he was like my dad
and took off, but he came back and he got attacked and… It’s just really bad.
Sarah’s traumatized now, I'm sure. I’ll probably go visit her tomorrow, but it’s just so
bad and I hate people crying. God, I need help.
Oh, that’s right. Don’t feel bad for Sarah, whose father died. Feel bad
because you talked about him behind his back. See? This is the kind of stuff I’m
talking about. She doesn’t feel sorry for Sarah at all.
I’m taking a break from the journal. I’ve got some homework I have to do
already (Yeah, first week of school, woop-woop), and frankly I might become even more depressed if I have to interpret her handwriting again.
I’ll post again in a few days, but until then, witnesses, keep a sharp eye out
for those fakes who say they’re a good person. They're the worst kind.
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