Monday, September 24, 2012

Hello, witnesses

Waaasssuuuup witnesses? Not sure why Vince chose that name for you all, but its pretty cool. “Witnesses”, like you’re in some sort of court room.

Anyway this is Daniel. We’re chilling out at my place and Vince decided to let me on his blog for a little while, so yeah lets get this thing going. And man, you have no idea how far my little man Vince has come. So he comes to me yesterday and says that he wants to be a “true” part of our group, whatever that means, so I host this little get-together here at my place while mom’s at work. And this is great, we’re all having a great time!

Right, well Vince just had his first cigarette, and that was too funny. Well, he said it wasn't his first time 'cause he had tried to smoke before but his dad caught him, but yeah. He started coughing like he was about to cough up a lung and Ty started to tease him about it. Then Vince just punches Ty across the face and sends him flying out of his chair, bahaha, and we all start laughing and Vince is just standing there with this angry look on his face with smoke all around him and he looked pretty awesome, actually. He started to calm down but I would have liked to see more of that fighting action.

Well I guess we did see some action, 'cause after that Becca started... taking an interest in Vince. We gave them a little privacy, y’know, 'cause I respect the kid. Doubt it'll go any farther than a makeout session, but whatever - at least Vince is finally getting himself out there, being more confident.

Now we’re upstairs, Ty’s in the other room with some girl he just met a few hours ago. Me, I’m here with Viv who showed up earlier. She’s what holds the group together, I think... She has this, I don't know, motherly trait about her. I wouldn't be a good leader at all. Anyway, she isn’t around a whole lot, but when she is... eh no real way to describe it. Its like... she won't give up on you, no matter what you do. She’s been busy bringing in some more people, people she thinks will help 'reach our goal', which sounds good to me. I'm behind any plan she has. Yeah yeah, so it might seem like I’m saying these things just so I can get lucky a little later on, but its true. I love her and the rest of our little... family.

And Vince, welcome to the family.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Nothing Matters

Things will never change, no matter what you do. You try and change yourself once, the other side hates you. You try and change yourself twice, it still happens.

No matter what I try to do, it all comes down to people, and people are evil. Deep down, they all are, it doesn’t matter what they are on the outside. And I’ve seen the faces of the evil in people, oh, I have. And I hate it, I hate them, I hate this entire world.

I was walking home from school Friday and then it happened.. haha, should have seen it coming... Four guys, friends of Will's, probably, had been following me and when we were alone they started to harass me. They started saying how I was pathetic for making the blog, how I was an asshole, and then one of them, one with a birthmark right beneath his lip, clips me right in the nose. And then he starts kicking and smashing , and the others did nothing. They just sat and watched, looking on as I got the crap beaten out of me. And then they left me bleeding there on the road.
Got found... taken to the hospital. Found out I had a broken wrist, so you can imagine how tough it was for me to make that post the other night, eh? Hah... oh, and some bruised ribs and black eyes always look appealing...

Maybe I was wrong in making this blog… I... I regret it now... The whispers are back, the ones around school, and the people who I thought were supportive of me are just hiding behind their masks, acting like I’m in the right when they talk about me behind my back. I know, I see their looks. What is the point of making this in a fight for retribution when all it earns you is what you had before? Nothing… Nothing at all…

My dad was right all along. I won’t amount to anything, because I don’t matter. I regret so many things, so many damn things. I wish I had been more athletic to make him proud, wish I was interested in hunting or hiking or something like he is, but no- he considers me a failure. That’s why he doesn’t say he loves me anymore, why I haven’t heard those words in a long time. Three simple words could have such a significant impact, but no, there’s a refusal because of one thing:

I'm a failure.

Friday, September 21, 2012


Time to look over some of the interesting comments I've been getting.

From Disputing Madness:

You two fucking deserve each other.

Have fun, those times she wears red.

Yes, because that makes a whole lot of sense. How about you go for a coherent response next time, DM?

From proxiehunter (in response to DM):

You should have more pity for Vivian. Unlike Vincent here she's ill. Terminally so most likely. It seems from this that there's still some of her left fighting It. Or trying to, anyway.

What the hell has this world come to? *ME* saying to pity one of them.

Implying that I'm sick? I don't know, don't really care anymore. Yet another cryptic comment, though, this time talking about "Them". Right, because I'm totally going to KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

From Mask of Insanity:

Because you like da pussy Prox.

Besides, I want to see how this pan out. I just hope we don't get the freaking details of the bumping and more on Them.

Now, since nothing related to my search is here, moving on. I don't have time to act insane.

I honestly have no idea how to respond to this, so I think a simple "Go screw yourself" will work. Vivian and I won't be "bumping" - we practically just met. And yet another reference to the fabled "Them!" Oh, how did you know that I love cryptic comments? Oh, you!

And finally, from Phobos:

Oh shit. He actually let her make physical contact. I honestly have no words to describe that kind of decision.

Hm. Okay. Well, none of you have really given me a reason to NOT make contact with Vivian - or any of my new friends, for that matter. All I've been getting are cryptic comments left and right, with no one telling me what they're talking about.

Here's the thing, though. Don't you dare condemn me for making physical contact with Vivian when no one's told me why I shouldn't. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't get to condemn me.

"But Vincent, you uploaded Lois' diary on here--"

Yeah, I know I did. That was the reason I made this thing in the first place. And I regret it oh so much right now because it's bringing me nothing but pain. Heh, right. Forgot to mention that, didn't I? Well, I haven't had a great day, and coming home to have people saying I made a poor decision when I don't even know the reason why they're saying it's poor in the first place... well, it pisses me off.

So, from now on?

Either you post coherent replies instead of the cryptic nonsense that keeps coming, or I'll turn off comments completely.

... Oh, wonderful. Dad's calling me into the living room. This ought to be good... I assume it's about the fight today, since there's no other reason why he'd want to talk to me in the first place.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Evening. Just had a really fun afternoon, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. And this is has the side-effect of pissing off my favorite cryptic poster, Disputing Madness!

So, without further ado, let's begin.

I was home alone earlier this afternoon since my parents were going out for their anniversary, just... well, not doing anything, really. Not much to do around here, and my neighborhood is  devoid of any people my age. And Daniel's been busy fixing his car, so we couldn't hang out today, either. Looked like another boring afternoon.

That's when I heard a knock on the door.

I walk to the front of my house, expecting the mailman or something. I open the door and there stands the last person I expected to find at my house: Vivian Foster.

She was dressed in blue jeans and a dark green hoodie, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She smiled at me, saying hello, while I stood there like an idiot and unsure of what to do. Look, I've never had a cute girl appear at my house before, okay? Don't judge.

It was strange, though. I expected Vivian to act more... dominant, I guess, after reading Lois' journal and hearing Daniel describe her. But she seemed almost... shy, just like me. Maybe she was just pretending to make me feel better.

I invited her in and thus began the awkwardest moments in my life. We didn't say anything for a little while, just walked into the living room and sat down. I finally asked her if she wanted something to eat or drink, but she said no. And... well. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "So..."
Vivian: "Hm?"
M: "Uh, I was just wondering what you're doing here. I thought... well, I thought you were busy or something. That's what Daniel tells me."
V: "I don't know what I'd be busy with."
M: "Visiting people, I think?"
V: "Well... then in a way, I guess I am busy. I'm visiting you, aren't I?" (She smiles upon saying this)
M: "Oh... right, haha. So... that's all this is, then? Just visiting me?"
V: "Well... it occurred to me that you've been a part of Danny's little group and I've neglected to introduce myself. But... you already know who I am, of course."
M: "Not by reputation, though! Ah... not saying you have a reputation or anything. I mean, ah... nevermind."
V: "Well, I do have a little bit of a reputation... But I'm referring to Lois' journal."
M: "Yeah, that's, um, what I meant."
V: "Of course."
M: "...Well, I'm Vincent. Nice to... finally meet you, I guess."
V: "Likewise." (She smiles again)

After that horribly awkward conversation, we got to talking about... well, pretty much everything, really. How school was going for us, what we thought of other members of Daniel's group (don't worry, they were all positive things), what we thought of other people at school... normal conversation topics, you know? Or I guess they're normal. Never really had a conversation like I had with Vivian...

Anyway, we decided on going out to eat since there's not a lot to do at my house. Not anything fancy, just this Italian place downtown. And it was really nice; we laughed a lot throughout our meal over random stuff. Daniel was not kidding when he said Vivian had a great sense of humor - she can find something hilarious in almost anything, and will immediately point it out.

We went to this bowling place after dinner and it was kind of fun. I found out that I'm actually kind of good at something; managed to get a 190-something score on my first game, and Vivian said that wasn't bad at all for a first timer. We stayed there for around three hours just bowling and talking, and after awhile it was just us in the place (aside from the owners, of course).

There was one thing that struck me as odd, though. Vivian was about to go but paused, as if thinking about something. She turned to me, almost like she was confused, and I saw... I don't know, I think I saw fear in her eyes. She seemed... afraid. I asked her what's wrong and she sat down, putting the bowling ball on the seat beside her. Her eyes were on the floor and she didn't speak for a few moments and I thought about asking her again when she started to speak.

"Do you ever feel like... you're not the same person you were?"

The question caught me off guard. "What do you mean?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing, it's just... I feel like sometimes I'm losing myself, bits and pieces day-by-day. I guess it's me growing up, but I feel like it's happening too fast." Vivian hugged herself, almost like she was cold. "I don't like it. I... I want to be me, Vince. I don't want to be something else. Do you know what I mean?" She turned to look at me, that scared look still in her eyes.

I honestly didn't know how to respond, but I attempted to do so, anyway. "Well, I guess I do. I think I'm kind of the opposite, really... I've always been sheltered to the point where I can't relate to a lot of people, but through the past month and a half... meeting Daniel and you, for instance... I feel like it's making me a different person, but for the better. I think you just have to look at the positives, you know?"

I don't know if she understood or not, but she nodded her head. She closed her eyes for a few moments and when she opened them, that look of fear was gone. In fact, she looked almost... determined. Considering her next statement, that look made sense: "Bet you can't beat me at another game!"

We got kicked out about twenty minutes later, and since it was getting late we decided to part ways. Before she left, Vivian kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks, Vince. You're not such a bad guy after all." And... well, she walked off, nothing more than that.

And... that was my night. So, yeah.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Sunday, September 16, 2012


Okay. Going to try and not make as many typos as last time, but here’s the third dream I’ve had...

I was walking down a road, nothing else on it. All of the buildings were crumbling or on fire, and in front of me I could see people walking towards me. Then I saw myself, and behind me there were a lot of people following. I'm... not sure what they looked like, mostly blurred figures, but I could see a dagger poised just across my throat and some sort of animal, a beast, walking next to me.

And then there was this thing behind me, a shadow made of ash, eyes like burning coals. And then I was myself again, not caring about the being behind me, eyes forward.

We reached a crossroads and I looked out in front of me, expecting to see... something. I don't really remember what, but... this thing, this shape that kept changing into something... familiar. I can't put my finger on it, but it looked like something I knew. And... then this light, almost like glowing white water, was flowing into this shape... No, no, the shape was... devouring the light. And then it became the light, and turned the light into a man. Then there were more shapes behind this man, all changing...

Then I looked to my left to see a... King, I guess. He had a crown of knives on his forehead, and they seemed to be digging into his skull. Where this king stepped, these shapes, the ones with no definite form but surrounded by a white outline and rippling darkness, they seemed to spring out of the ground. They reached for him, trying to hang on as the king walked along. And in the king's hands he carried this gray key that is as big as my middle finger, and he was twirling it in his fingers.

And to my right was just a man, a man with no shape or form, no details to make him stand out, but he... stood out more than the others. And as he walked down the road it was collapsing, all of it gone, and then it wasn’t the shape of a man but… something else. Something wrong. It was something that was large but compacted into a form that you knew shouldn't be able to handle that, but it was also something tiny that filled the void. And everything was so... silent around it. You couldn't hear anything, not even the sound of the road being torn in several places.

I looked up and saw that this area was surrounded by some sort of... building. Like an observation post, I guess. On it, I could see several things, some of them I didn't really get a chance to look at but I could feel them there. The one that stood out the most was this... thing, something really tall and wearing a black trench coat zipped all the way up. It turned it's gaze on me and I felt like I was being analyzed, taken into account, and when it looked away I felt a sort of peace wash over me.

And then I was faced with the strange woman again, the woman in white, and she placed her hands on my face while looking into my eyes. And she whispered that saying again – “There’s something in your shadow.” – and suddenly the claws were tearing at my face as she screamed...

And that’s when I woke up.

Thing is... I found red marks on my face, almost like someone was scratching it... Did I do that? What is happening to me?

Friday, September 14, 2012

Happened again. Posting thie dream now.

Thi time I started out in a place loke the Arizzona desert or something like that, not waves of sand like how you usually think. But there weren’t any bushes or cacti or whatever, so it was just arid. I was walkig through it but wasn’t really hot at all and then I start seeing these peools of water floating in the air, streams flowing into the sky, right”> and so I’m not realy sure what that’s about.

i got really thirsty this time so I went to drink from one of the streams and all of a sudden I was in a forest at night, around some sort of campfire. Then this guy, he was sitting there and shivering despite having a coat on. There was another guy with him, an older one who awas cleaning his knife, bt my focus was mostly on the other guy, the teenager. He was covered in bruises ad it looked someone had clawedd at hs eyes leaving these marksst around them. He had that mark on his arm but it had a wet bandage aroud it all bloody and the likea. "you shokuldnt be geting involved with her" the oldre guy asiad

they start talking aboiuyt smthnig else but im not sure what they. Were taking about. Didn’t aeeakt ah damn it this is going ato be ufull of so many tpos. Anyway they were talking and and… I don’t know they were saying something about the killer but saying he wasn’t the only one?

Then I was looking at her, at Sarah, and she had some guyha watcuhing here..a lightt


and there was something else, I was in the desert again and the woman was there, the owman who loks bewautifull. And I started walking up to her but she was baakigc away and I noticed things about her like the long fingers but werhich were probally poithy fingernails sh or someihnti. And her eyes were weird like the pupils were larger. In fact I am almost sure they awer yeah. And then she started to spaek and it was really weord, like she was alony mimicking what someone alridea said before and repeating it like ishe idoesn’t knwow nhwt ti means.

She said “There’s something in your shadow.”

And then I woke upo and timing this.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Call from Sarah; recorded most of it with an app on my phone.

S: “Vincent?”
V: “Who is this?”
S: “Sarah.”
V: “... How’d you get my number?”
S: “You gave it to Lois, who gave it to me... And that wasn't easy.”
V: “Oh.”
S: “Yeah.”
V: “Look, if you’re going to tell me to take down the blog again-“
S: “I’m not here to do that. It won't... It won't stop anything.”
V: “… Right. So… why did you call me?”
S: “I just... There's something going on, Vincent, and I have this bad feeling...”
V: “About?”
S: “Just the things you’ve done. I can't help but feel that something terrible is about to happen, all because of what you posted--”
V: “Is that a threat?”
S: “What? No, no, I'm not trying to sound threatening. It's just... You need to be careful.”
V: “Well, that goes for you, too.”
S: “… Vincent, do you know what Lois is going through right now?”
V: “I don’t care.”
S: “I think you do. You want to hear what you’ve done to her?”
V: “Ruined her life?”
S: “I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but you’ve made it a living Hell for her. She keeps getting calls from people she doesn’t know, messages calling her a whore and saying she needs to go to Hell, just a lot of bad stuff that adds on to the stress of what she’s going through. Stress she doesn’t need right now, Vincent. She’s due later this month.”
V: “Tell her to turn her phone off, then."
S: “Vincent... Please, just listen."
V: “Okay.”
S: “Will you apologize to her?”
V: “What good will that do? Apologizing does nothing if the other person doesn’t mean it.”
S: “Maybe for you, but it’ll mean something to her.”
V: “She never apologized to me.”
S: “You need to let it go, Vincent. Keeping that kind of hate within you only brings bad things.”
V: “Spare me the religious crap. God’s not going to punish me.”
S: “That’s not what I was going to—“
V: “I’m done talking to you, Sarah. I’ll see you at school.”

And that’s the end of that.

I know things will probably get worse for me because I’ve attracted the attention of almost everyone in school. But it’s not like making this blog is the domino effect that eventually leads to a horrible life. It doesn’t work like that.

And Lois, if you’re reading this... do know that I truly am not sorry. Now have your friends stop bothering me, because it’s getting old.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Why am I up this early…?

Just had a really weird dream.. I was following some lady in white down a corridor and she was showing me different doorways. In these doorways there were people in them and doing things at different points of their life.

Then I came upon a door I felt I knew, and... I'm pretty sure it was my own. When I was looking in it, I saw myself from last year laying on my bed and crying. A lot.

I remember that day. It was around this time of year, actually, and I had just gotten home from school. My parents were waiting for me, my mom looking like she had been weeping for hours. My dad... he didn't have any expression on his face, just stared at me.

And I noticed something wrong then; usually my dog, Brady, would run up to me and get between my legs, barking happily and just wanting someone to scratch his cute little beagle ears. He didn't that day, and I guess my confusion must have shown on my face because my dad said that Brady wasn't in the house.

I asked him why, because Brady was never an outside dog.

And... my dad bluntly said that my dog was dead.

Thoughts were racing through my mind, trying to rationalize how this must have happened. I thought that maybe Brady had gotten out and accidentally got hit by a car or something, but... that's not what happened. At all.

My dad said that Brady had been getting sick every few months and it was becoming a hassle to pay for treatment, too much going out of things that could be spent on groceries or the house payment. So, dad had my dog put down.

I... to hear that your own father could kill one of your only friends, one who stuck by your side.. just... I never forgave him for that.


The door closed and the lady in white led me away from there, to a cliff. As the sun started to rise, I could see down below me several fires starting, the smoke rising into the air. And I saw things moving down there, but I can't really remember what they really looked like. I just know they looked... wrong, like they had their outlines shifting every few moments.

And this lady, the one who had these weird eyes, kind of gave me a look. I don't know how to explain it, really, but it was unsettling. And she started to speak, but not to me. She said "It's happening again," and... after that I woke up.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Daniel and Friends

As promised, here’s the post about Daniel and his group.

Daniel’s the kind of guy that I wouldn’t normally hang out with because of his... extracurricular activities, but we share similar interests. Turns out, he was a friend of Will’s until he decided to stop hanging out with Daniel’s group in favor of the “uptight” crowd, so upon hearing that Will got a girl pregnant just made Daniel laugh. He’s included me in his group (which has a few people who have teased me before, but I think I can let them off the hook), and they’re all kinds of… eccentric. And vulgar, but I don’t mind that so much anymore.

I was hanging out with them earlier today and got to know some more about the other people. Here’s a few that made an impression on me: There’s a girl who goes by Becca and, well, she's a little shy. Didn't open up a lot around me, but when she thought I wasn't paying attention she'd be joking around with Daniel. There's also a guy called Ty who is pretty... eh... Well, he's bold, let's put it that way. He'll say whatever comes to mind, which is probably why he's gotten in trouble at school so many times. Daniel’s pretty much the guy who organizes things and has them meet other people (like me), and finally… Aha, this is great: Vivian’s part of their group. Mighty big coincidence, eh? She doesn’t seem to hang out with them as often as she’d like, though.

Wonder what my dad would think if he knew I was hanging out with them...

Not sure what I’m going to be for the Halloween party. I don’t have a lot in the way of money, so I’ll probably be making my own costume. When I was going through my closet I found some toy swords and guns I had when I was younger, but all of the costumes that went with them are too small. Well, except for this “ninja” mask I have, but it looks more like someone cut out two eyeholes in a burlap sack and dyed it black. Knowing my mom, that’s probably what she did.

Saturday, September 8, 2012


After that last post, I thought things were going to be better. Heh, what a joke… Things never get better. Not for me.

I was sent to the principal’s office yesterday. Someone did report me, probably in response to what I said last time, and, well, the principal was mad. He started off slow and calm, saying how bullying wasn’t tolerated at that school… Actually, you know what? I’ll just post how I remember the conversation going.

“Hello, Vincent.”

“Morning, Principal Evans.”

“You already know why you’re here, don’t you?”

“If it’s about the blog, then yeah, I know.”

“Yes, that’d be correct.”

There’s a pause.

“Vincent, we don’t tolerate bullying, no matter the form it comes in. What you said on that blog was wrong. Students are allowed their privacy—“

“With all due respect, sir, how do you know the contents of the blog aren’t made up?”

“Excuse me?”

“No one’s asked me if I lied about Lois being pregnant. They didn’t ask me if I had even made up the journal.”

“Well, then that would be slander—“

“Sure, when lying hurts someone else. But when a real bully comes along and lies about how he didn’t mean to hurt the other person, of course they get off scot-free. You believe them when they lie, Principal Evans, and to single me out like this enrages me.”

“We do not tolerate bullying—“

“Yeah, you said that, but it doesn’t make a difference. Every day I see people being abused – not physically, no, mentally. And you people do nothing for us, you do nothing to help us, you just cause more and more trouble. And when we fight back, when we attempt to stop it, what do you do? You give us more punishment than the actual abusers. That’s the real crime.”

“That’s not true, Vincent. I have been here for several years, and each time I’ve made an effort to stop this—“

“And a nice job doing that! You know, if you’d actually done your job – if the rest of the staff had done their job! – then this probably wouldn’t have happened.”

I get up to leave.

“Sit back down, Vincent—“

“No. I’m going to class to learn from idiots like you.

… Oh, and sir? It’s libel. Slander is spoken.”

So, yeah. That’s what the conversation went like, and I ended up getting ISS for back-talking the principal. But I’m not sorry, and I’m still not going to take down the blog.

It felt good, actually, to talk back to someone like that. I’m not even sure why I did it since I’d normally just sit there and take it. But the anger I felt in that room was... exhilarating, fueled me... And I’m pretty sure that Evans was scared of me, at least towards the end. Probably thought I was going to come over the desk and punch him right in his crooked nose.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


At last. At last.

Today, I heard several people talking about the blog, talking about her. Rumors abound, rumors about her and not me... I mean, there's always been rumors about her, but nothing concrete. No facts, no evidence, nothing. All we had was her mom taking her out of school because "she was sick", and that sounded plausible, didn't it? I mean, that's why I started talking to Lois, to see how she felt...

But it felt so good to not be the victim for once. I actually had someone come up to me and say I had done a good job. Even invited me over to their lunch table today, which… well, that hasn’t happened to me before...

But not everyone likes this blog. Sarah almost chewed me out in front of everyone in English class, and a few of Lois’ friends were giving me dirty looks. Oh, and apparently if I don’t take this blog down, it’ll be seen as cyber-bullying and I’ll get in major trouble at school, so there’s that. But really, anything can be seen as cyber-bullying these days, and if revealing to the world that Lois is pregnant is considered bullying, well… That’s ridiculous. That’s like me criticizing the president for golfing, or telling the police department they suck because a serial killer is still at large in our area.

The damage is already done, though. Not sure how suspending me from school will make Lois feel any better.

Going to go ahead and get ready for some sort of Halloween party that Daniel invited me to. Oh, right, Daniel’s the guy who also said that I could sit with his group at lunch. Might post on that later, since one paragraph doesn’t really do them justice (that’s a good thing, guys).

Looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Last of the Journal Entries

December 20th, 2011


What am I going to do? What is mom going to think? Oh she’s going to be so mad at me oh gosh what have I done?

I told Sarah. She’s one of the few people I trust. She says I need to tell my mom and Will, but oh I really don’t want to tell either of them. Mom will be disappointed and who knows what else she’ll do, and I’m afraid Will is going to run off. I really hope he’s not like that, I hope to God that he’s not, but I just have this gut feeling that when he hears about it he’ll take off.


December 23rd, 2011

OhthankGodthankyoulord I talked with Will and he didn’t freak out.

He’s going to stay. I’m confident he will. He said that we’d get through this, that he’s not going to leave me. I hope he means it. But I love him, and I think he will. I really do.

I haven’t told my mom yet, but Will wants to be there when I do. He says that this is important, that we have to treat the situation with care. And oh gosh, I really hope… I really hope I don’t screw this up. I hope my life isn’t ruined by this. Pleasepleaseplease.

January 4th, 2012

We told mom today.

She’s always been difficult to talk to… always having this vacant look in her eyes, like she doesn’t care anymore. That started about a year ago, when she lost her sister. And… I don’t know, she just hasn’t been the same. Her sister was always there for her, always supportive, and to have that one person vanish from your life...

Will came over around two. The snow was getting bad and the roads were all iced up, so he would have made it sooner but because of that yeah. Mom was in the living room reading her flower book, right next to the fireplace. She was like in one of those Christmas card snapshots or whatever, really beautiful. When she saw us come in she put her book down, and I think she already knew. I could see it in her eyes.

So, we told her what had happened.

I’ll remember that moment for a long time. She just sat there, looking down at hands. The fire was crackling while I could smell the snickerdoodle cookies baking in the oven, and Will’s hand was around mine and it felt like we were a real couple then, it really did. Then mom looked up at us and I think she was… determined, like she had something to do. And she looked at Will and told him that if he ran away, she would find him and drag him back to me wrapped in chains. Will never looked more scared in his life, but he told her that he had no intention of leaving me.

But mom was supportive of us. She wants to help, and I think she feels like she needs to help after what happened to her. I think everything will go well from here on out, I really think so.

February 1st, 2012

Just had this dream…

I saw this happening, but I felt like it was me. I saw a guy, maybe my age, running through the forest. He kept looking over his shoulder, like he was being followed, and I think he was because the next thing I see is something moving through the forest, something gliding through it, darker than the night. And... this kid must have seen it because he started to run faster and faster, only stopping because he cut himself on a branch, I think. And then that shadow was coming towards him, making long strides, and it finally caught him.

Then I feel like I was rushed forward, like something had taken and moved me, and I was staring at a guy behind a door. He was a prisoner clutching a bouqet of black roses. He looked confused, like he didn’t know what he was doing, and all of a sudden something else was there, something like the shadow that took the boy. It looked just like the prisoner, with his firey hair, but there was something really off. The prisoner looked terrified, backing all the way up against the wall and dropping the bouqet on the ground.

The other one, the thing, I suddenly noticed it had a smile… a smile… something weird, something about it made me want to back away from it. I saw it scoop up the bouqet on the ground with its tattered sleeves, and then it regarded the prisoner again… and I saw the eyes of it, and oh God the eyes they were horrible like you were looking in the dark and seeing something within it but it’s just your imagination and you can’t make it more scary but it is. And then it was gone, it and the bouqet, and the prisoner began screaming, screaming mindless words that I felt like I should know, that I should remember.

And then the scene changed again, and I felt like something had moved me back, like I was taken back in line, or rewound a movie in a theatre. And I saw a girl dancing at prom, but it wasn’t a prom it was just a dance with people in masks all around her, a masquerade, and she was wearing one of her own, a red one with black lace. She was beautiful in a laced red dress and she moved with grace like an angel, and suddenly someone was dancing with her, a man with a mask that covered his face, his black cloak billowing around him. His hand caressed the girl’s face, and suddenly she smiled in pleasure, and I could feel it, like some sort of connection had been made.

The man disappeared into the crowd while the girl in the red dress touched her cheek, laughing to herself. And then I saw it wasn’t a dress but something else, something clinging to her body and slowing running into her, becoming her. And then the mask became her face, and her face became the mask, and she began dancing to a different tune.

Then I was in a place of timelessness, a presence all around me like I felt the world as a lifeforce, and I watched as the first boy moved through a place of death, saw him moving through corridors of shadows. And then there was a hole in the ground, something like a human but I knew it was something else, something exactly like the previous figures, something that clung to the world and would not let go because it would die. And the creature, like the shadow, went to pick the boy up, but the boy threw him away, to the duskwind, but the creature was still there, barely hanging on.

The final part took place within another cell, but not like the other. Two things were there, one a brilliant light but also not a light, and the other a shadow of mist chained to the wall. The light spoke but I could not hear any words, and I suddenly felt drawn to it. I wanted to go to it, to be with it, to embrace it, but then something was wrong. There was something inside that light, something that beckoned like a jewel upon light, but it was dark, darker than the eyes of the one with fire for hair. The light disappeared, and all that was left was the shadow, and the shadow noticed me, noticed me within its cell. It began to laugh, its form changing from pieces of leather surrounding smoke to an old man with smoke for skin and coals for eyes then to a giant of flameiron and back to shadow, and it ripped the chains from the wall, leaping from shadow to shadow until it found one akin to its, and there it took that shadow and made it its own.

… Huh. I don’t remember waking up and writing this, but I found it open to this page this morning. Weird dream… Wish I could remember it.

February 14th, 2012

Just got home from a date with Will. (: We went out to eat at our favorite place, Gino’s, and afterwards went to the movies. And ohman, traffic was super busy tonight! It took us almost thirty minutes to get across town. And haha, when we got there we find this huge line for the same movie we were going to see, called The Vow… I wish we had gotten to see it, but Will started to get sick right before the movie started. Like, when we were standing in line and waiting to get tickets, he said he’d be right back and hurried off to the bathroom. Poor Will. ): I told him we should just go home and watch a movie and he kept saying no, he wanted today to be special, but I told him that he was more important than a movie. So, we went home and ended up watching Mean Girls. :D

Oh, right! When Will was in the bathroom, I had a surprise visit from Vivian. She came right up to me and started to talk to me as if we were good friends, but... I haven’t spoken with her personally since that time a few months ago when she assaulted me. She didn’t seem violent this time… In fact, she seemed almost friendly. Not in the “Hey, you’re my buddy!” kind of way, but… almost like she was flirting with me, I guess? It could just be my imagination.

… Or maybe not. I don’t know, but… when she was going to leave she gave me a hug and then… Something weird happened. It was like I was being held in place while feeling this… sensation, almost like when I’m near Will and my heart skips a beat. And… oh, I don’t know why, but when Vivian let go of me I wanted to be near her, to feel that sensation again. She gave me this kind of look that seemed to know what I was thinking, and then she just… walked off, like she was only in the theatre to say hello to me. I think it’s just hormones acting up, but… it’s so weird what happened.


Not much after that, so I'm guessing this is around the time she lost her journal.

Not as earth-shattering as I thought it'd be, but the dream log reminds me of some of the dreams I've been having.

I don't know what else I'm going to post on this blog after this. Maybe some mundane stuff about life, maybe some rants. Depends on what I feel up to.